Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
