Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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