I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sarcasm needs its own font
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
