Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
