You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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