matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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