dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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