I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
