she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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