at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this hospital has no fireball
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
