i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
