Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The best revenge is premature balding
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
