I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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