I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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