Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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