dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
