weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
