i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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