Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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