Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
