I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm always down for nudity.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
