areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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