My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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