What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
