I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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