I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
