I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
