I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
