my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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