He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
