remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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