I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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