do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
