Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Be still, my beating vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
