what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
