You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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