she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
