Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
