It's Friday. Sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
