I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
