Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
