I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
