I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ttyl tear gas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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