I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
