Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
