Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
