yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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