Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
