I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
