Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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